True Confidence

For years I felt I couldn’t ‘compete’ with other men for the affections of women. I didn’t feel I had ‘enough’ of what it took to ‘win’ them; I wasn’t that dominant alpha muthafucka that I thought they desired. What I’m starting to realize NOW (work-in-progress) is that being an ‘alpha’ male has nothing to do with beating someone at THEIR game, but being at the top of YOUR game. In the past I thought I had to find some ‘edge’ that I had over other dudes. I was constantly sizing them up; trying to see where we lined up and where I was ‘better’/’worse.’ This is that…

“He may be attractive an’ fit an’ have a job an’ alla that, but I bet he hasn’t read any Kafka.”

…shit. And at the time I was doing this shit I was also claiming to be so confidently ‘above it all,’ but how could I have been above anything if I was I so focused on what other dudes were doing? Why was I always firing ‘Sorry I’m not like the dumb thugs you’re used to’ bullshit at the women I was with when I felt they were moving away from me to guys that—to keep it real—I felt ‘threatened’ by? I was seeking VALIDATION from women for traits I felt I lacked (but desperately wanted). If they could boost my ego then maybe I wasn’t as ‘inferior’ as I thought. When they denied me this ‘boost’ I would overcompensate (in cringe-inducingly cumbersome ways) when I should’ve just put in the self-work to self-validate like an ACTUAL confident muthafucka would. That’s the kinda cat who is drawn to so-called ‘threats’ because seeing other people doing dope shit inspires him to step his game up; he competes with HIMSELF, not other dudes. This is that…

“Damn, Steph’s jumper is nice. I wonder how I can change my shot to hit threes like him. I’m not gonna copy his stroke, I’m not the same kinda player as him, but I’m gonna find my ‘own’ way to get better.”

…shit. And thing is: Dude may never develop a perimeter stroke, but the work he puts in will NO FUCKING DOUBT make him a better him.

The Anti Thesis

If it seems that it is YOUR LIFE’S WORK to deconstruct the teachings that corroborate a person’s faith OF COURSE they are going to perceive you as an enemy. Maintaining faith is hard-as-hell…so why would anyone WANT to make it harder? And what does the serial deconstructionist even get out of it? Don’t they see that the person-of-faith WANTS to (by any means necessary) maintain their faith? Don’t they realize that it is the only thing keeping them sane?! What KIND of person would want to take that away from them? And it doesn’t matter if what they believe sounds like the most hogwashiest of hogwash ever; the question remains: ‘Why?’—Why would someone work so damn hard to destroy SOMEONE ELSE’S ‘only thing that works?’ Perhaps deconstruction is the ‘only thing that works’ for the naysayer; which is sublimely ironic: Although the naysayer may claim to want to do away with religion, a huge part of who they are is reliant on the existence of it. Maybe they feel their ‘thing’ is threatened by the person-of-faith’s ‘thing’ (just like the person-of-faith may feel their ‘thing’ is threatened by the deconstructionist’s) and they gotta go all Highlander there-can-be-only-one on that ass.

Post Sexual

man-woman

I was watching this movie and this girl had her tits out and they were BEAUTIFUL and while gawking at them I was trying my DAMNDEST not to sexualize them, but I couldn’t. I wanted to see them as ‘just breasts,’ but they kept presenting themselves as ‘tits.’ As I stared I began to meditate on a time when her and I both looked like the ‘couple’ in the picture above; when ‘tits’ were merely provisions…
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Enhanced Performance

In my late-20s for a little less than a year I flirted with performance enhancing drugs; not HGH, steroids or anything like that, but the stuff you could get from those shops that are always right outside of chain gyms, the ones with ‘muscle’ and/or ‘nutrition’ in their titles. Even though what I was taking were like Skittles compared to what the big boys were droppin’ an’ shootin’ I did notice an ‘enhancement’ to my workout routines and subsequent play on the court. In the gym I could heavy-rep heavy weight and on the basketball court I was able to just ‘do shit,’ like go from thinking ‘I’m gonna tomahawk dunk over that guy’ to tomahawk dunking over that guy. This was stuff I could do before, but not this ‘professionally.’ Everything felt ‘relatively easier’ than it did before which was sexy as hell. Felt beyond-good to be warming up before a game knowing I was about to do some ridiculous shit once the ball was tipped, and that the people in the stands were gonna freak the fuck out when I did it. And this was just RECREATIONAL ball (highly competitive, but still just weekend warrior shit). I could ONLY IMAGINE how dick-hardening pulling this shit off would be on the professional stage. Speaking of which…
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Faux Shame

dwayne-the-rock-johnson-is-almost-unrecognisable-in-a-fat-suit-in-trailer-for-new-movie-central-intelligence

If I post a pic of my not-in-the-greatest-shape self talking about how I am ‘just’ as sexy as The Rock, knowing damn well that I WISH I had the determination and drive to put the work into my body that he does, and then cry that I am being ‘body shamed’ the second someone calls attention to my love handles I am full of fucking shit!1 And ironically, my NEED to ‘flaunt’ would expose just how much I LACKED confidence. If I ACTUALLY felt like I was The Shit™ I wouldn’t need to seek corroboration or shout down critics with platitudinous bullshit.
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Turf Wars: Black Feminists v. Black Masculists

black-man-frustrated

Welcome to the first installment of what I hope will be a regular series where I dissect the various ‘battles’ I see being waged between two (ironically) intrinsically linked factions, as in: Their constant fight is what defines their respective identities.
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For tha love of country

jay-zkayne

For as long as I can remember it has never been ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ to be patriotic. Such a thing is typically associated with Second Amendment dick-riding, Fox News-watching, pickup truck driving, big-ass flag waving middle-aged white men, aka the DEFINITION of uncool. But here’s the thing: Hip hop (the current EPITOME of cool) is incredibly patriotic…in-its-own-unique-way. On damn near every hip hop album you’ll find lyrics gushing about the American cities from which the artists hail. They even have endearing nicknames for ’em: The Boogie Down, The Chi, The ATL, The Town, The Sucka Free, the list goes on an’ on; and these towns don’t exist anywhere else in the world, but thanks to hip hop, the neighborhoods—and sometimes single streets or intersections—within these quintessentially American cities are now internationally known. Tell me that shit ain’t patriotic as fuck.