ABSOLUTE love may be the most militant thing we can do. That’s why barely anybody ever does it, or even ATTEMPTS it, while MILLIONS of SO-CALLED militants take up arms, maim, kill. Not saying it’s EASY to maim and kill (PTSD kinda proves that), but there is most definitely a reason why wanton violence is met with ennui and we freak the fuck out when people are TOO nice. It’s also why we ferociously debate the POSSIBLE existence of PEOPLE who some believe to have been REAL-LIFE absolute lovers, instead of ruminating on whether or not the IDEA of absolute love itself is even POSSIBLE.

Is it?

Most would answer no, resoundingly. But why is that? Why do we doom ourselves like this? And why have we BEEN dooming ourselves…for age after (quite-literally) bloody age? And before I go any further…I ain’t shit, I’m over here bitter, narcissistic, misanthropic, hypocritical, full of entitlement and expectations. I am FAR from an absolute lover myself. But this isn’t about me. This is about—

Nah. Fuck that. We’re not gonna do that ‘it starts with ONE’ bullshit. Hell no. The world has to change FIRST and then I’ll change. I’m not gonna be out here trying to love these assholes. Fuck them. What I look like doin’ some gay shit like that? You got me fucked all-the-way up. But you know what? How about I make a compromise? How about I just pour love into the thing that brings me joy? Then give that to these assholes. Maybe they’ll dig it. Hell, they might even LOVE it. Can I do that and still be ‘good?’ I don’t think I can do that Gandhi or MLK stuff. Besides, they weren’t ABSOLUTE lovers themselves! That’s just their legacies. Legacies we molded, created because we need a point or ‘form’ to meditate upon. Something REAL (but highly idealized) to zealously and very publicly worship. A being who sacrificed personal dignity to show that TRUE love is possible. And the more aggressively we celebrate this being the closer we feel we are to true love (like love hangers-on). But what does this say about us? Why MUST we KNOWINGLY idealize complicated, messy flesh-and-blood people in order to believe in unflappable love? In other words: Why do we have to bullshit ourselves into believing in love? What are we without the bullshit? Are we—

Oh yeah, that’s right.

The thing. JUST pour it into the thing.

But what about the plight of mank—

Okay, okay, I got it. The thing. The damn thin—

But isn’t that what I’m doing right now? I mean I kinda love doing this shit…kinda frustrated right now though, not doing too good a job of closing this one out. So what is it? Are we doomed to ‘bullshit love?’ Can we love ABSOLUTELY? Of course I want the latter to be true, but I just don’t know. I mea—

Wait. Wait.

It’s ALWAYS here!!! ALWAYS with us!!! Even when we THINK and BELIEVE it isn’t!!! It’s IN the thing!!! The gift!!! The TRUE LOVE is in the thing!!! Our purpose is just A manifestation of it!!! Yes, our gifts may be unique, diverse, but our LOVE for them is EXACTLY and ABSOLUTELY the same!!! We just have to believe IN ourselves!!! FOLLOW the love!!!

Divine Hypocrisy

How can we reconcile with the fact that we ALL benefit from CONTEMPORARY slave labor? How can we reconcile with the fact that much of what consume—from the shoes we wore to the protest march, to the laptop we used to write the 15,000 word diatribe against patriarchy/racism/homophobia, to the phone we used to organize the sit-in—were produced by modern-day slaves? How can we JUSTIFY this? How can we be out here soap-boxing so damn hard AGAINST oppression when in a very REAL way WE are FUNDING the oppression of others? Maybe we’re ‘justice narcissists1‘; only concerned with issues that affect us. And actually, that makes perfect sense. It’s not OUR responsibility to fight for THEM. If they don’t wanna be slaves anymore then THEY need to do something about it. After all, we’re too busy trying to get other people to treat our people fairl—

Damn it.

I know some of you are thinking: ‘What am I supposed to do then? Nothing?’ No. Not saying that. Do whatever you want. Just pointing out a peculiar little unavoidable irony. Also, it might not be all that bad to take a couple moments to at the very least CONSIDER our stances before rushing to be a part of SOMETHING just because we see some people who look like us in the crowd. Speaking of ‘looking like us,’ let’s address this race stuff (again) real quick…
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I once claimed to believe in nothing, but I actually VERY MUCH believed in something and this belief manifested itself as the STEADFAST discrediting of religious beliefs (this is how I ‘practiced’ my ‘faith’). See, in order for me to keep on non-believin’ critical elements of religious faiths COULD NOT be true. Especially the miraculous stuff; because if ANY of it is/was then that could create doubt which could POSSIBLY mean that some of the other off-the-wall craziness could be POSSIBLY true. To avoid this doubt I either arrogantly dismissed the other-worldly bits outright or pedantically dissected them until practical explanations presented themselves, but sometimes they never did? And I would be left wondering: What if divinity simply IS aberration? There are some things that—by virtue of their hyper-aberrant nature alone—become undeniable yet sublimely (and contradictorily) undefinable at the same damn time (no EASY explanation; just awe, wonder). It doesn’t matter what we do or do not believe, incredibly peculiar events seem to magnetically draw our attention and the WHY of this is pretty universal: We ain’t never seen no crazy shit like that before. What we MAKE of the never-before-seen phenomena is entirely up to us.

Or is it?

Who knows?
Continue reading ”

B0003402 Early human embryo

This idea that we are somehow doomed from birth may be a manifestation of the fact that life seems to be about nothing BUT death. As soon as we are physically conceptualized—I’m talking in-the-womb conceptualized—we start to die. That means AS SOON AS we ‘bang’ into existence we begin our march to death. Why do we just LET this happen? Why not do something about it instead of ‘worshiping’ its inevitability with all this blowin’ each other to bits fear-fetishism? Maybe we can be ‘saved’ if we believe in something other than this certainty? Something that will allow us to live forever. But what is this ‘something?’ This ‘savior?’ Well, I know what mine is, I don’t know what it is for you though, all I DO know is that you LOVE the shit out of it. Oh, and this crazy picture is us. Back when we were just eight cells and’a dream.

The Shit Show

I’m a loser…which means I can watch TV in the daytime. I normally tune into NHK or AWE, mainly because I dig the ‘real’ escapism vibe of their programming and the fact that during breaks in their shows we get to STAY in their universes. No loud, bombastic, annoying commercials to interrupt the flow. All the advertisements are for their own yet-to-air programs. One day though, for a reason that now escapes me, I decided to do something that I hadn’t done in a while and check out American broadcast TV’s daytime fare which is essentially just a cavalcade of people talking shit about people. Here is the diatribe that resulted from this experience…

You wake up to bright, shiny overly-made-up faces talking shit about celebrities who you wish you looked like, that transitions abruptly to judges talking shit about people who look just like you and your goddamn neighbors, from this you go to your neighbors sitting on a stage—hot, burning lights overhead— and a sea of SEVERAL MORE of your neighbors talking shit about them. Taking turns mind you?! Lining up?! Eager?! It’s like a roast of people only known for their problems. And once that’s all said-and-done and you think things couldn’t get any more miserable here comes five o’clock and some dreadful shit about what your REAL neighbors are up to.
Continue reading ‘The Shit Show’

Intelligence

We like to pat ourselves on the back for our so-called superior intelligence. But what IS intelligence? And can it be quantified? It seems it is no more than an ability to notice and CREATE relationships between things. Basic intelligence could be considered making ‘basic’ relationships like say an apple to the tree it hangs from; advanced or ‘superior’ intelligence could be considered making fractional, branching relationships, like the apple to its color, its shape, its edibility, its differences in relation to other types of apples and other types of fruit and so-on-and-so-forth. The more relative angles we create the more intelligent we seem. But what if we are simply obsessed with making relationships? An obsession we’ve always had a peculiar should-we-or-shouldn’t-we RELATIONSHIP with? What if the reason for this obsession is to create as much distance from ourselves and the truth of our mortal existence as possible? A way to subvert time by busying ourselves with an endless bounty of man-made relative diversity. Maybe that’s why we have so many different lug nuts to accommodate so many damn different machines available in so many different stores. But is THIS superior?

In relation to WHO? WHAT?

Other lifeforms? WHY do we think they are inferior? Because they don’t make as many relationships to their surroundings as we do? How do we know this? We have no idea what they are thinking, feeling. What if some of the relationships they are making aren’t manifested in ways we can SEE or interpret? Also, why do they seem to be living in harmony with their surroundings while we bumble around not giving a single fuck about anything or anyone (including those who are, were and will be)? How ‘superior’ is that?

I don’t know! There is no way to absolutely know. Especially considering our concept of superiority was created by us!!! So all we can confidently assert is that according to our self-created concept of superiority we possess a vastly superior intellect. But where did our intelligence come from? What created it? How did it evolve? Maybe it’s the product of curiosity. Not our own, but a universal, ubiquitous curiosity that manifests in us and AS us: Our very existence is a curious response to the world around us and the world around us is a curious response to us. Now I know some may take issue with the context in which I’m using the word curious as it suggests the existence of a nebulous, disembodied awareness, but I mean this in a practical way so no need to get your myopic intelligence-and-life-are-mutually-exclusive panties in a bunch.

The apple and the being who consumes it are both questions; both manifestations of a cosmic and very manic “Hmmmm…let’s try this…” energy. Manic in that it doesn’t wait around to see if any of its experiments will actually work, it just keeps trying new shit over-and-over-again. Not concerned with getting anything ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ for that matter…it’s JUST trying.

JUST like us.

Well, ‘kinda’ like us. We have been quite literally killing ourselves over-and-over-again in a bitter internal dispute over what IS and what ISN’T. A fight for answers that only creates ‘new’ questions that we will also fight to answer.

Faith. Possibility. Practicality. All tangled up. A seemingly irreconcilable mess, but yet it exists. It is us.

Why you treat me so bad?

Wile E. Coyote’s constant pursuit of the Roadrunner seems to be less a hunt for food and more a hunt for his grand purpose: Is he fated to be the whipping-boy of his sparsely populated universe? Will the clueless, vapid roadrunner forever be granted favor at his EXPENSE? After an eternity of trial-and-error it seems he has resolved to a hey-I-get-it-God-you-kinda-hate-me-but-I’m-NEVER-gonna-stop-even-though-I-KNOW-I’m-gonna-fail-BECAUSE-of-you existence. It’s as if he is defying God via obsessively relentless perseverance.

Many wonder why Wile E. doesn’t try the same thing twice. Especially when considering some of his best ideas are only ruined by minor, easily rectifiable issues. I think it speaks to his anarchistic spirit. Wile E. is an anarchist in the truest sense. Most think anarchy is simply a temporarily absurd means to a consistently mundane end, but really it’s constant difference. One could say Wile’s anarchistic nature mirrors the universe he occupies which operates under a set of constantly shifting physical laws, but actually these laws are not as arbitrary as they seem; they are explicitly orderly in that they work to ensure the roadrunner’s unmolested existence. The only TRUE anarchist in this equation is Mr. Coyote.

Imagine living for an eternity in a world that constantly conspired to keep you away from the ONE thing you desired. Imagine that thing being presented to you each-and-everyday as if to mock you, spite you. How would you handle this? Would you give up or challenge the mocking force? Wile E. is a genius in a world that favors stupidity, but he refuses to acquiesce to it. Matter of fact, he decides to raise the bar each and every time in an effort to flip-the-tables on God. In this way Wile E. can be consi—
Continue reading ‘Why you treat me so bad?’


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