THE CRAZIEST THEORY YET!

venusmercuryearthmoon

So here’s THE CRAZIEST THEORY to ever grace this blog—I call it the “Mercury Venus Conundrum.” What’s the conundrum exactly? Can’t say in public. You’re gonna have to put your cigarette out and come inside.

Okay, the globe is warming. We all know that. Whether or not it’s all our fault or if it’s just our big blue mama getting a little hot under the collar—no one can deny she’s starting to heat up a bit. Now here’s the first of the crazy cavalcade—the Earth may be warming because it is preparing to radiate. Here we go, no turning back—our earth will become the new sun at some point.

Think about the time of the dinosaurs. Why would an entire genus evolve such tough skins? The sun’s heat must have been scorching then. But what if it wasn’t just one sun but two that blazed the globe? One old one and one young whipper-snapper. The younger one wins the battle. The old sap explodes into the universe taking the dinosaurs with it. And then here we eventually come.

Okay, let’s go back a bit. Now when we really start to radiate our orbit will begin to alter the denser we get. Remember, if we are a young sun then we are churning just like the old one. We are fighting our orbit. Eventually, we will not have to fight any longer. At that point our adversary will be the old sun. The sun sits where it sits due to its denseness. Now what happens when you have two dense objects in the seeming middle of our galaxy? Well, you will have an epic battle. A battle with our moon, Mercury and Venus in the middle. The two blazing suns will melt through Venus’ dense atmosphere as the two new satellites, Mercury and the moon fight to hold both of us off. Venus’ surface will be scorching, life will not be able to evolve just yet, but the constant heat will help to fertilize the land.

We will be fighting to turn Venus towards one of us. Now, as I said above, we will win this battle. Venus, our sister will become the new Earth and Mercury will become her moon. In essence she is now the brother. See how the sexes seemingly become irrelevant. This is all crazy right? Bonkers even? Has to be.

Right?

Well Venus and Mercury are quite peculiar planets. We got Venus with her wonky orbit winking at us all the time. Popping up in the morning and again at night. Seems like she is checking on us. Waiting for her turn in the sun. And what’s the deal with this “retrograde” business (her eventual satellite Mercury gets down like this too). Also she is closer to us than any other planet. I guess that’s fitting, she’s our sister after all. She’s got the slowest rotation of any planet. Her day is LONGER than her year!? She’s also got a temper. Her surface is so hot it can melt lead. It’s actually hotter than Mercury’s although she’s twice as far away from the sun as Mercury. This is ironic because she seems to have evolved all of these layers to protect herself from the sun, but it only made her surface hotter—just like one of those Victorian era dresses. Can you imagine how hot the women got under all of those layers? Such a deceptive one Venus is. From outside she seems smooth, full, but docile. However, when you peak under her dress—inferno. She confuses us just as much as the human woman confuses men, that’s why we like to cover them up so much and when we eventually get a peak of their “hot” flesh we flip out.

Okay now Mercury or The Moon Part Deux. Won’t get into the dipolar craziness, but just look at these two surfaces. Which is the moon and which is Mercury?

left
right

Moon on top, Mercury on the bottom.

Well, that was fun. I hope you enjoyed that little ride. Just something to think about.

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