I am always blathering on and on about how the only way to solve a problem is to understand it or get to its core and how this can only be done peacefully because you cannot destroy the outer layers to solve the inner problem. If you do when you get to the core there is nothing left but the core itself and now you have created a new problem and must dig deeper to solve it, but you’re not supposed to dig, you’re supposed to easily peel back the relatively diverse layers (races, nationalities, religions, philosophies, isms and schisms) until the problem begins to make sense. Once you “cool” the core the outer layers will benefit.
Race confuses us and as a result we end up getting bogged down with debating the relative diversity and not the root of the issue itself. This is why war never really works. Instead of blowing the whole thing up we have to work our way to the center by finding a groove, much like a record. Now this groove doesn’t just pop out and show itself. You have to look back in order to see where you’re headed. Let’s go for a little journey. This is a touchy subject, I know, but I’ll try my best to get us through it.
WE ALL CAN GET ALONG
Matter of fact we will no matter what, it just depends on how long we want to take to get there. We can and will work together in this country because we really do love each other. We share so much damn culture whether we like it or not. Just a few examples to get us going: white people love country music but check its evolution, it goes all the way back to Africa. Remember country wasn’t always poppy sounding it was dirty, really, really Southern hip-hop-like dirty. Look how it goes from Elvis and Johnny Cash and Lynyrd Skynyrd and Willie Nelson to Jessica Simpson and Rascal Flats. Hip-hop, on the other hand, sampled old white and black music to create its brand new sound. But the staccato rhythm came directly from the pounding drums of that fiery equatorial region. Constant beat of the sun, constant beat of the drum. The Irish and Scottish carried this rhythm all the way up to Europe. It’s no mystery why the Brits had a hard time with them. They couldn’t stand all of that fussing about, and the Scottish and Irish couldn’t stand their fussiness.
THE NEW MILITANT SUBCULTURE
This is a subculture who is finding it difficult adjusting to the possibility of being a minority like everyone else. The burgeoning leader of this movement possesses a contrary mix of everyday housewife innocuity and rabble-rousing fear-monger and she is incredibly savvy. Her supporters feel left out of the mainstream so what does she do? She drops out to join them. It looks as if she is about to launch a Barack-esque grassroots campaign. Oh, the irony. If they want to really make some noise they should look to these cats for inspiration. Whoops, I think they already have. Just hope they can keep it peaceful and lose all of the scary stuff. Some of them are old enough to remember how they felt when a similar movement made them a little antsy.
Country music‘s popularity has tapered off in recent years and is settling into a kind of music representing this counter-culture movement. Remember the songs that came out of our last big counter-culture movement and some of the seemingly crazy personalities. Liberals must think about why they celebrate these figures in order to understand why the conservative is doing the same thing. Also, the conservative must remember why they found the 60s movement so obnoxious so they can understand how the liberal feels. See, understanding isn’t as touchy-feely as you think. It’s kind of freakin’ brave.
BLACK FOLKS MUST MAKE CONCESSIONS TOO
Some of the antics of black folks that are pardoned by the general community rub others the wrong way because they think that black people should now be settling down. They cannot quite understand the horror of slavery, but they see many blacks doing pretty well. Some much better than them. Then Obama gets elected and blacks and minorities are now constantly in their faces. These are 100% free blacks. Matter of fact they’re confused what to do with one who was recently freed from one of the very rehabilitative institutions they created. He’s a man they once celebrated, now because of his despicable actions they want nothing to do with him. Are they going to forgive or harbor? When we harbor we throw boxes of tea inside. Think about it.
Now I’m certain this sentiment is out there:
Black people, you won. Look at the guy we elected for you. This is kind of like that apology some of you asked for so stop the gloating already.
The celebrating in sports and the excessive greed on display in popular black music is a bit offensive to some. However, please note that this comes from a culture’s manhood being suppressed for so long that when it finally gets out it really gets out and that’s where a lot of the sexual stereotypes came from. This is a beast who could not be unleashed, he was a danger to your women, but if his free labor made your great wealth a possibility. If one man can possess and order a perceived lower male to do as he says when he says then to a woman this man has defeated the fear of the unknown or death. He commands scary unfamiliar types to do his bidding. Over time this lulls them into a trance. At a certain point the subjugated man can no longer take it. He wants what his master has.
BLACK CULTURAL PRECEDENTS
Black American culture seems to precede an era. Look at the music and how the violent rap of the 90s lead to 9/11 and two wars (we’ve been fighting for almost ten years now, first we had that contentious 2000 election and then 9/11 right on its heals). The fiery flamboyant 70s black culture lead to the cold flamboyance of the 80s and the ease of the black music of the 50s lead to the easy breezy cool of the 60s. Each time these movements gave birth to their counters the other culture counters the diffusion. For example, during the 60s black music got really interesting. It was easy, cool, but far from breezy. Contrast the two songs below. Notice the deceptive passivity of the first one, the song rocks, but the message eases your tension and notice how the second one harbors a fiery aggression, but it does so in such a cool way that you can’t be mad.
These two styles piggy-backed right off of each other. Notice how one group influences the other and that group then goes underneath to rise up again later. It’s like a DNA strain. That’s why we can never place any blame. We can’t tell what came first, the chicken or the egg. Race relations between the polar opposites of this country (white and black) ebb and flow just like the relationship of our planets magnetic poles. Notice how the races in-between the whites and blacks look to the poles for advice on how they should carry themselves in this country. I think right now we’re starting to set a good example. I watched the Pro Football Hall of Fame ceremonies over the weekend and I was struck by the intense love shared between these men, both black and white. They were and forever will be united by virtue of this remarkable game. Think about it. Ever see a team on team brawl break out in football. It’s black on black, white on black, white on white. Each side sticking up for their brothers. It’s a brutally beautiful thing. And then guess what, at the end of the game, they’re over it. Probably meet up for drinks. America is a pretty kick-ass place, we just can’t go doing that Roman thing or that British thing that we weren’t too fond of.
THE 60s SACRIFICE
The 60s were an odd decade because its heroes didn’t make it through to influence the following. They all rose to prominence and were literally shot down before the decade ended. The 70s followed the same pattern in a relatively different way.
BLACK MUSIC: AMERICA’S MUSIC: THE WORLD’S MUSIC
The nature of some of today’s popular black music is similar to how blackface minstrelsy was out in the open much to the chagrin of so-called free blacks. The new bemused audience are both liberal and conservative whites. It offends them just as minstrelsy offended both liberal and conservative blacks. And it’s not because they don’t like black music, they love the stuff. Who do you think buys black roots music? Not black people. They just don’t like how people tout it as urban or authentic when they’re listening to and grew up with what they consider to be authentic. Black folks knew the minstrel shows that were touted as authentic representations of their rural roots (remember these shows were HUGE in the North) were false. They lived it, they went up north because they thought they could easily get good “paying” jobs with those folks that were fighting for their freedom. Wasn’t all that it was cut out to be. got reduced to an inferior status once again. Slowly fought through it. See how we go from the blues to jazz to bop to rock to smooth and then to a mixture of the smooth and the rock and then a confusion and then a smoothing out to the new “it thing.” This “it thing” has become flamboyant, all of that slow burning and now they are finally on top. There’s this powerful black couple that’s worth a mint, kind of like a John and Jackie situation. The music is starting to level out and it’s reaching for outside influences. It’s looking back to punk rock and British New Wave. Just think about that the next time you listen to Kanye West or Li’l Wayne.
This music scares some whites because their kids not only like it, but they are now starting to understand it because it is now understanding them. You don’t get Justin Timberlakes and Eminems or Mos Defs and Dave Chapelles or even crazy mash-ups like this back in those minstrel days. You even hear the creep of understanding on album’s like Grizzly Bear’s Vecktatimest and even Mos Def’s latest. But here’s where I trump my own argument. You actually did have this dynamic in those days. Check it out:
Popular opinion is that minstrelsy (performed by both blacks and whites) was an abhorrent misrepresentation of black Americana it actually was a postmodern avante-garde, absurdist satire. Before white America was enlightened to the complexities of black people they held onto fearful ridiculously exaggerated stereotypes. The minstrel performer, well aware of the average American’s naivete would exploit this by playing the blackface character lock-in-step with their limited understanding and then would also shrewdly add just a bit of additional exaggeration for the shear titling spectacle of it all. By doing this the fodder for the joke wasn’t black America, but the cackling audience itself. In essence the minstrel performers and black America were in on the joke. They were exposing an illusion. Think about this irony—black performers went on stage and played black performers. So-called authentic characters, but weren’t they authentic blacks? Shouldn’t they have just went on stage and played themselves? Yeah, it’s crazy. Here’s the real subversive bit. The black performer applies dark make-up to his black skin and exaggerates the size of his lips and delivers screaming, over-the-top performances that white audiences just eat up. They think they’re being reaffirmed of the perceived inferiority of blacks, but the black performers are peacefully resisting this notion with their complex understanding of the head-spinning irony that was(is) at play. Dave Chappelle did the same, he just got tired of the cackling audiences. He didn’t think they were getting it. They did. It just takes time. But the minstrelsy will never stop. It has to exist because we have to laugh at ourselves. Look at shows like The Office. It’s a minstrelsy of a new age. he once revered office worker. Look at how ridiculous they behave. Such dishonesty. Such cold personality lacking environments. The Office goes absurdist on that ass and let’s all of the personalities out of the bag. Those of us who work in cubicles can only dream of being that free. How do you think a black person felt as they watched the audience cackle at what they thought was an unbridled expression of his true nature? He didn’t want to emulate the performer, but he wanted to enjoy his life just as the characters on stage seemed to be enjoying theirs. Probably though the only way to stay alive was to shuck and jive. Think about that office workers. Many of you think these are extremes, but when you look at the universe and the relatively diverse mess that it is you’ll understand that extremes are subverted by the expanding infinity.
Well, how do you know there’s no end?
I know relativity exists. I know it takes me one step to bound over a patch of concrete while it takes a snail much longer. I also know that there are stars millions of times bigger than our sun and I know our planet is one million times smaller than the sun and I’m much bigger than an ant. But get this, the ant can carry twenty times his own body weight. The strongest of us can only manage to lift maybe 2.5 to 3 times our own weight. Of course these are just ratios that show contrasting sizes as well as the formula to make them larger or smaller. A 16:9 display can be two inches tall or two million yards tall. Doesn’t matter, it’s still 16 parts by 9 parts. Of course you can break down all of the parts and that’s when it gets all relatively crazy. You can now ask yourself, “Am I really bigger than an ant?”
THE BEAT GOT IT GOING
Let’s look at the popular hip-hop music that the folks in their early to mid thirties and younger are digging. Initially they dug the party stuff, now they’re getting into more of the dirtier bits. This is due to the madness they’ve just witnessed. From school shootings in the late 90s to 9/11 and the subsequent wars. Throw in some crazy weather and a threat of global warming and shit gets gloomy. But what do they do? First, they go out and party to this music. The younger ones are all mixed up. They skateboard together listening to this weird mash-up of punk rock and hip-hop. Secondly, they elect a mixed-race president, someone who represents them and black people pretty much equally. Although he looks black to most he was raised by a white family. He still maintains the intriguing rhythm that captivated white people but he does it with some much tact and elegance. He falters of course, he’s only human. Far from the liberal boomer-like glorification that was bestowed on him. Sorry boomers, it’s true. But it’s all right. It kind of had to happen that way. You had to make him safe so those on the fence, those undecided we couldn’t stop talking about, would consider voting for him. Remember how much those undecided voters frustrated both liberals and conservatives. Stephen Colbert and John Stewart were laying into them. Those two represent that lost generation of the late seventies and eighties. That weird conspicuous consumption period. Step on the little man to feed the big man. Illegal skirmishes in countries we didn’t really know were adversarial. Gave a bunch of weapons to the Taliban to use against the Soviets. After the shindig they kept the weapons and used them to, well, what else do you use weapons for? To make people fear you of course. We called a major portion of this era the Me Decade which followed that weird 1976 Bicentennial celebration that came on the heels of the Vietnam War. Wasn’t much of a celebration (don’t worry, we should have a lot to celebrate come 2076). Jimmy Carter is elected, boots out the old regime. Comes in with a bunch of crazy ideas—some we now wish we would have taken seriously. Those solar panels on top of the White House don’t sound too bad now, do they? We thought we knew better which lead to the 80s and that damn love affair with the stock market and greed. It wasn’t a particularly great time.
The music was cool albeit a bit weird and a bit haunting. Disco and hair metal were preceded by an androgynous New Wave influenced by our former enemies the Brits and before that punk rock and before that Monty Python. Same across the pond influence. All equally androgynous. All odd in-jokes that were subversive in a gentle way. The 80s also saw the end of a Cold War. The whole era was cold. Remember those sitcoms? Remember that cold black family? Nothing like the flashy flamboyant black celebrities you grew to love in the years prior but you still loved them. So much so you didn’t even notice their color. But don’t be fooled by The Cosby Show. Notice the subversive nostalgia for a bygone era. All of those damn jazz musicians. Hip-hop was doing the same with sampling and the general public was doing the same with the new found wonder it had for British aristocracy. Remember Princess Di? She was so cool, cut from a different cloth than the rest. Why did they treat her so cold? We came out of our own internal cold war after she passed. Folks, there is a pattern in the chaos. It’s that Pollock Effect I spoke of in the pi post. You practical types who vomit at the sight of idealism should go there, might be more up your alley, the rest of you foolish peaceniks continue on.
Okay, back to the cold 80s. The movies we loved were space cowboy sagas and stories of arrogant American heroes running rip shod through eastern countries. Then there was that flick about getting rid of the dead followed by one about time travel (one of my favorite trilogies) then three men had a baby and a Rain Man lead to a Batman. Recently we just lost two icons of that era—Michael Jackson and John Hughes respectively. Michael Jackson literally tried to look like everybody and John Hughes made movies about teen angst that refused to condescend. This was important because American teens felt left out in the cold during this time. The movies reflect the neo-latchkey kid phenomenon that was taking place under the radar (this lead to the video game craze). In these movies there is a fine distinction between youth and the adults and the movies seem to be directed from the youth’s perspective. As a result, the adults only serve authoritarian roles (Steel Curtain, Reaganomics). The adult characters are often easy to deceive because they make no attempt to understand. They dismissed the youth, but the youth fully understood their game. Then there was MTV. MTV successfully lulled the youth of the 80s into the cold catatonic state (they would break out if it in the 90s, boy would they ever). There was a gay rights movement that scared everyone because of that elephant in the room—AIDS. Thus the larger public viewed gays as carriers of a new plague. Once again, missed the point entirely. AIDS was such a powerful force that it chilled the gay rights movement. Much of the fire of the 60s and 70s was gone. The general public freaked out because they were convinced that sexual revolutions lead to the fall of great empires. It’s not the revolution that is responsible, it’s fear. Fear of losing power leads to forced expansion. When that expansion meets resistance it begins to implode. The resistance typically comes from people who do not want to change their way of life to that of the invading empire. We saw this in the 80s with the Soviet Union. Sexual freedom has nothing to do with it. Matter of fact a society would flourish if it worked to erase stigmas surrounding so-called alternative lifestyles. Look at the works of art created during the Italian Renaissance. The pieces are egregiously homo-erotic. Look at the celebratory motif of the male form that is present. There is usually nothing overtly sexual about the relationship of the men depicted, but their romanticized masculinity showcases a subversive lack of femininity while maintaining distinctly feminine elements. Most notably the beauty of the men represented. This is no lumberjack convention.
Notice how the masculine figures represent a feral masculine strength that is smartly tempered by a divine beauty and grace. The stigma-destroying laissez-faire attitude belies any primitive idea we have about masculinity. It shows its true hybrid nature (XY). The forms are simultaneously languorous and powerful. The ultimate affront to fear. They possess the strength to destroy, but they would rather love.
In the 80s we had an opportunity with AIDS to eliminate some of our fears. This disease shockingly showed us what happens when you force a once free and (at times) celebrated people underground and treat them like subhuman creatures (this is the most devastating thing you can do to a people, just look at our history, this is why we fight). Thing is AIDS wasn’t just a gay disease, but it had such a profound effect on the gay community due to a lack of education brought on by a lack of love and understanding from the general public. What the masses didn’t seem to know was that without the gays they wouldn’t exist. The 80s were a very frosty period in our country. Almost like a cultural ice age. But we got through it and then came the Roaring 90s.
The 90s brought a new counter-culture movement—grunge rock (an attempt to return the music to its roots), the internet, advanced interactive technology, and there was that early attack on the World Trade Center (a little foreshadowing). We loved movies where dinosaurs were brought back from the dead or that one about a simple man celebrating the diverse genius of his crazy ass country. The only way to truly appreciate it is via a child-like sensibility. It’s an odd place. Just as the roar of the 20s faded into the Depression of the 30s our digitally produced yelp of the 90s exploded into the Depression (terrorism, recession, wars) of the new millennium.
THE AMERICAN FEVER DREAM
The United States can be a pretty trippy place. Just think about this: you can go to a Japanese restaurant and see a Mexican man eating dinner with a black woman and their waiter is a white man who is conversing with them about last night’s episode of True Blood. This place can be like a dream sometimes, the Native Americans knew this. They learned how to appreciate its abundant diversity before those invading Europeans who made it a nightmare by doing that condescending bit they would later accuse the Brits of. They attempted to adapt American ways, adopting our religions and even taking on European names. We put them in reservations and like a guilty deadbeat dad we try not to think about them too much.
Today’s movies are confused. Just a nihilistic mess of noise and technology and I think we’re starting to become bored with them. Yeah, they make buckets of money, but I don’t think they have the enduring quality of former blockbusters like this or this. We want some substance behind it. We go see them because they represent us. We’re confused just as they are. Matter of fact one of the summer’s biggest hits was a brutal comedy about confused Gen Xers. We need something big and thought-provoking like The Matrix to hit again. I personally believe Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain tragically flew by too fast. Please check that one out or anything by Michel Gondry. These are the films that speak to where we’re headed. Also interested in seeing what James Cameron’s got up his sleeves. Moving on—
In the fall of 2008 we elected Barack Obama and expected magic to happen, it didn’t and now the opposing side is getting really antsy. The real problem, oddly enough, is pride. Everyone is so damn prideful right now. But let me tell you something about pride—
Pride is standing face-to-face with people who fear you so much they wish you harm without flinching or responding in kind when they assault you physically. See, pride has nothing to do with your race, your sexuality, your religion—nothing of the sort. It is merely responding to intense fear with intense love. In essence you are saying this to your opposition: “I know you fear me because I am unfamiliar to you, but I assure you, if you make me familiar you will not fear me anymore and I will stand here until you realize that. I do not care how many times you bludgeon me I will stand, fall and rise until you realize that deep down you love me.
Sorry, that’s another retread form an earlier post. But that’s it. How can you love the person who looks like you and not the person who doesn’t when you look and behave the way you do because of that person and they look and behave the way they do because of you. Your differences of appearance and culture are the relative trick. This blog’s name is not just for show.
A POSTMODERN ARAB TAKE
Okay, it’s only hypothetical, but here goes:
“Before you got wind of all of this great civilization jive we were rocking it thousands of years before. You guys didn’t get wind of the stuff until much later and now you have the nerve to celebrate it like you created it. Coming over here harassing us because we are behaving like you were when we were doing our cradle of civilization thing. You got some nerve calling us barbaric. Please understand that during the time we were mavericks of math, science and astronomy (look at our religion’s symbol for cryin’ out loud) we were missing something. We wanted to know why these things existed. Enter the fascinatingly complex religion of Islam. Only a civilization capable of great practical feats could a religion so intricate evolve. No knock against your religion, but check the orderly nature of how we do our thing.
We pray five times a day, you barely get one in and you don’t even bother to stop what you’re doing and studiously face in the direction of the rising sun. You sneak yours in before bed. I’m not saying you don’t love your God. Just think about how much you love yours and how much I love mine. We kind of meet there. We just do it differently. You have to understand me and I have to understand you.
You must also understand how different cultures respond to their perceived tragedies. You scoffed when some black people compared the deaths of Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac to MLK and JFK. You thought these were just two thugs who got shot. That’s being dismissive. You cannot be dismissive. It wreaks of a superiority complex and as we know that’s what causes all of this fighting nonsense in the first place. Now back to “Big and Pac,” to certain segments of the black community these men (much like Joe the Plumber or Rush Limbaugh are for conservative whites) were heroes. They came from nothing and achieved a lot of something and they were globally celebrated for this. But they both fell victim to fear. Fear is what starts the fight, but surprisingly never ends it. To build a global empire we must understand that first.
Let’s talk a little bit about 9/11. Now, I must say that do not condone the 9/11 attacks (why do we have to keep saying this, we’re not barbarians). I love your country even though you confuse me sometimes with your policies. I don’t know why you’re waging a war against me when the guys who really hit you aren’t around anymore. Remember, they stayed in the planes. You didn’t. Your idea of shock and awe was lobbing bombs on a passive, virtually defenseless city. But when you thought you won and started to gloat by hanging Mission Accomplished banners they did that “stay in the planes” bit that puzzles the shit out of you. You left your bright young soldiers out there to protect themselves and their fellow troops as well as the civilians of the cities where the war is being waged. Most of us cannot even pay a bill online while reprimanding our kids. Imagine having all that beautiful life in your hands.
Imagine being in your late teens and earlier twenties with no requisite knowledge of a great war. Your only fight prior to this was online with guys from all around the globe and you were killing aliens and zombies, now you’re in a world more absurd and surreal than those digital ones.
How can you drop a bomb on a bomb and expect that to solve a problem? They hit you with your own fear. Got you in zugzwang. You freaked out, didn’t know what to do. You had a major election. Two opposing forces. One was comprised of John McCain, a freakin’ war hero and his fear mongering sidekick who he didn’t handpick. McCain knew real fear, more than a majority of the people he interfaced with. He didn’t understand why you were asking him about houses and the fact that he comes off as mean. Dude was like spare me that dumb shit. Sorry for gettin’ a little comfy. All the while his appointed running mate was stirring up that brewing fear real good. So much so that the absurd term birther is flying around and these health care town halls remind of the almost palpable tension that lead up to the Civil War.
Also Palin, the one still ticking, resigns from her post but still finds ways to stay relevant. Don’t laugh liberals. She’s savvy. She broke away from the mainstream just as the conservatives in general are starting to do. There’s a movement in the works. Don’t be afraid, they’re not racist redneck hillbillies like the pop culture thinks—just as whites did with minstrelsy, liberals are finding entertainment in the unsavory aspects of conservatives. This is not so savvy because all you do is miss the point entirely and mistakenly dismiss them while they build up the momentum to counter you. Never condescend. You know what happens when that happens.
Counter-cultures aren’t always about peace and love. This kind of counter-culture with their guns and desire for true freedom remind the liberals of the cats who took care of the Brits. Don’t be too condescending liberals. It’s that same attitude that started the last fight. These guys are good at their violent revolutions. They love their country. But don’t worry. Don’t think there will be any war with muskets and what not. You’re war spent by now. Your smaller communities that didn’t really feel 9/11 are feeling this war. And then there are these shootings randomly taking place outside of schools now. They gradually evolved from the grade schools to the colleges to random mixed company locations and not in poor neighborhoods, but everyday ones. This is that build up, this leads to a civil war. The North and South have been replaced by liberals and conservatives. The liberals have their guy in place after a conservative rule. The conservatives want to fight the liberals because they know what happened last time. The South never rose again. Actually, I must take that back, here’s why:
You produce the most outstanding football talent this planet has ever known! From Tim Tebow to Michael Vick to Jerry Rice to the majority of every NFL teams defensive roster. The South is still considered unruly that’s why the so-called elegant positions like receiver and quarterback are from middle and western states. Gotta lot of of those USC, Cal and west Texas types gettin’ pretty. But the west and north are getting a little afraid of these wild southern receivers. They’re flamboyant, in your face and ridiculously talented. Also, they are some freak running backs coming out of the South. Cats like Adrian Peterson spring to mind. This perfect marriage comes from your early proximity to one another. You guys been in the down and dirty together way before everyone else. Way before all of these northern and western types. Look at the music you both produce. Look at the food you both eat. You guys are like family down there. Look at the beautiful children you produced. They dominate the NFL. You got two quarterbacks who are brothers who have each won a Super Bowl. It’s all because of your groove. White people from the south scare whites from the west and north. They cannot understand how a white person can have all of that natural soul and blacks from these same places cannot understand how they can be so cool and southern blacks be so damn country. Ya’ll were mixing it up down there. It was rocky and it still is but you showed just what a volatile mixture (distinctly African, distinctly European) and the beat of the sun does to a people. And get this, regarding the Michael Vick situation, I know there are people down south (white and black) who don’t really dig the way the media is treating their guy. Many of them fear he suffered his punishment and the media should lay off the judgment. They don’t think he deserves to play again, they just don’t like all of that British-like self-righteousness and indignation. His crime comes from the tawdry underbelly of the American South. The underbelly it is ashamed of and does not appreciate anyone else talking about. Southerners spend so much time in church trying to purge themselves of it. But you shouldn’t fear your passion. Look what it does on Saturdays and Sundays.
I’m certain you guys will work it all out. Remember when you were arguing before and then the Brits started picking on you and you got together to kick some ass? Well, you’re kind of doing that to us and we’re kind of learning how wishy-washy you cats are. Shaking our hands and then kicking us in the back. We die for you and then you bomb us later when some dudes from Saudi Arabia crash your planes into your own buildings. Just imagine you are Austria and a couple of Germans slap a New Zealander and a bunch of the rowdier New Zealanders. I mean those cats in the all black uniforms—those dudes rumble over to your neck of the woods and start beating the shit out of everybody. I think it’s safe to say you’re gonna be a little pissed off.
The liberals are doing this to the conservatives now. They shouldn’t. They need to embrace them and I really believe they will find a way to. You guys are tired of the fighting and violence. You’ve seen what happened to your cities. 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina and a seeming steady flow of plane disasters continuing in New York. Just constant reminders of what kicked off this crazy decade of war (external and internal) and recession. A volatile tipping point, but you don’t have the energy or resources to start fighting. No one’s working, people are in debt. Don’t want to go into that Depression mode again. Would rather this be a lull and then get back to doing you. And you will in a new, more revolutionary way than the big war that lead to Declarations or the internal one that lead to an attempt at absolute freedom. You just gotta stay in the planes. Don’t get scared. That means you gotta both make some concessions. Liberals needn’t gloat. Remember you didn’t like it when they did it and conservatives, put down the birth certificates and relax, football season is about to start. Also, I must give you all kudos, you don’t seem to be freaking out. You’re keeping your cool, you’re even laughing at all of that stuff you’re usually afraid of.
Before I go let me tell you what you need to know about Biden. He represents your poles (black and white) awkwardly trying to make sense of what the hell is going on in your country. Good thing you find him a bit humorous. Just don’t dismiss him.”
WHO’S THE MASTER RACE?
If you look at the religions and folklore of the people of all nations it touts that nation or people as the chosen people. In essence we all think we are the master race and we all are. But there’s a twist. Let’s go.
The last group talking of a master race were the Nazis. It was a seemingly brutal movement. I say seemingly because looked what it showed us. How love and fear do not mix well. They loved themselves but feared the Jew and everyone else who wasn’t them. To rid themselves of these unfamiliars it would take drastic measures that would scare the rest of the world. Mussolini was there too stirring up the fear pot and the Japanese had similar intentions and look what happened. Also, look how we ended it. Now we’re intrigued by one another and friendly. Japanese kids love rock and roll and hip hop and we’ve been relentless stealing from their animation not long after the war ended. And we can’t get enough of German cars and the practical, but far from boasting luxury they offer. Full circle, but notice how we groove better now. We see Seal with Heidi Klum and they have children. Could you imagine something like that being celebrated during the other era. Hand me a couple of plane tickets to Tokyo or Berlin and I’m there. Gonna hit a bar as soon as I touch down. Don’t worry, I’ll party responsibly. I’m an American, that’s what we showed the world how to do. You guys were afraid to party. I remember how you treated so-called gypsies, pagans, the Irish and the like. Look at what the Europeans did in Australia. They dumped their unsavory types on a beautiful island country miles away from the northern madness with a beautiful native culture and they called them penal colonies. Look what all of that sun did to them. Europeans sound like Alan Rickman (no offense, love the guy) and they sound like Hugh Jackman (let me sneak this in too).
Now let’s look at that symbol that scares us so much. It shouldn’t. This symbol exists in cultures all over the world. You know why? It’s a shape that subverts relativity by showing us how the trick works. If you rotate it the same relative distance clockwise or counter-clockwise it looks exactly the same. Go ahead and try it, rotate one 90 degrees CW and another 90 degrees CCW. Also, watch what happens when you flip it.
Notice the contradiction at work. Both are different, but they’re facing the same direction. The relative diversity of the surrounding landscape confuses the eye. But watch what happens when we eliminate it.
Better, but watch this:
Two relatively diverse shapes blend together to make a whole. See what the Nazis were hinting at with that slight turn. We of course turned the same direction and a war was waged. A brutal, long war. We’re still fascinated by it to this day. Young men from all over the world put their youth on hold to fight a grown-up war, but without it the rest of the world wouldn’t have been introduced to the crazy diversity of the USA. Remember, we sent ALL of our young men over there. White, black, Italian, Irish, Latino, Jewish and many many more. They got to see reminders of what that peculiar country does to their cultures and they dug it.
Back to the symbol—today, I think we are turning it in the other direction. By doing this we realize you can counter fear and still have the same results. Meaning we can hate and fight and continue on or we can love and understand and still continue on. But when we do that we do amazing things. Let’s look at our beloved sports. Remember Americans of all walks of life love their sports. Why? Here’s why.
THE ILLUSION OF RACE
If a Nordic man can bench press a Volkswagen and an African man can jump over that Volkswagen then what would happen if you mixed these two together. Wouldn’t they create athletic monsters? Yeah. They do. They’re Dwight Howard, LeBron James and Brian Urlacher. It’s America the Beautiful folks.
These men only seem to be of one race. But you will only find humans built or capable of such physiques in relatively rare melting pots like the USA. Their skin color may be dark or light, but that’s only because you have to see the dark to even notice the light. Look at Dwight Howard’s broad shoulders and impressive upper body. Now imagine what kind of ungodly strength is required to propel a man that massive into the air so high. Also, notice the rhythm in the way he contorts his body to throw down a sick dunk. We all love these guys. Remember, most black people cannot jump like he does and most white people do not possess strong upper bodies like he does. These are some fascinating cats and the NBA is starting to get incredibly exciting because of this smashing together of distinctly European and distinctly African and a little bit of everything else for good measure (like a fine stew). Because the explosion was so big (slavery) you get varying shades that radiate away from the epicenter. Every once and a while though a smashing density gets through and allows a man to touch the top of a backboard and then come down to dunk a ball. Speaking of Dwight again, don’t know how many Dwight Howards you will find in Africa. I would guess not many. Add ones who speak English as their native language and grew up a Christian and also have the ability to propel a 6’10” 265lbs body above a 10’ foot rim. I’ll wait. We call this cat Superman. The crazy thing is without slavery this does not happen. Michael Phelps does not happen either. This cat is into hip-hop, smokes a little pot, eats a bunch of food, kind of awkward and just goes out there and dusts cats. He may appear white just as LeBron appears black, but come on America, we really know what’s up. Just the human form of a dense nuclear reaction. When we start to really realize this and we all get together we will smash the Olympics. We will have cats named Joel Goldstein winning marathons against the Kenyans or what about a farm boy from Montana dominating sprinting. Or how about something crazy like this—two sisters from the rough streets of Los Angeles dominating female tennis? No, that’s too crazy.
This is all a reminder of what we can do when we merge. It’s scary to us though. That’s why Barack has to dodge allegations of leering and his country of birth it seems before we can start really asking him the tough questions. At this point I don’t care if he was born on Mars and a really crappy part of Mars, like the slums. Like that Martian city in Total Recall. I don’t care if he was born in that place. He’s got the job now. Let’s stop with the silly stuff and drill this cat on the big stuff. And give him a chance when he flirts with stepping outside of the box a bit, it might lead us to some of that crazy stuff like steam engines and electricity. All that crazy nonsense that never works. Okay, go!
ABOUT THE PICTURE UP TOP
You can find the story behind it here. But before you read that think about this. No one is completely white or black, we are all derivations of pink and brown. Why does this disease cause this man to go from frown to a pinkish hue. What kind of dense matter breaks down the very thing he has been defined by for so long? He called it his skin as if it was substantive, but now he realizes it’s just a coloring. A coloring that hides the truth. Behind the coloring we’re the same. Look at us stripped down to our flesh and bones. Quick, tell me what race is that guy. Ha! I see the funnier ones of you out there looking at his crotch region. Stop it you guys. That’s just more of that fearful BS. Okay, getting back, the same thing this disease dies to the darker man the sun does for the lighter man. The sun literally cooks lighter-skinned people and although it is associated with being healthy it is far from. We fear intense white because it reminds us of death. People of incredible fair skin are thought of as angelic and in need of constant love and doting affection because they seem fragile to us. This explains why we view tanned skin as healthy even though it is actually diseased. It is a sacrifice that is made to protect the lighter-skinned people who we think cannot come into the sun. This of course is not true because their native lands accommodate them. You bring a Swede to Aruba, they’re going to need some time to adjust and likewise. An Aruban in Sweden makes for an awesome sounding indie film (or album) title, but that cat is going to be cold!
Darker-skinned people possess a natural defense against the sun. Yet this skin tone is so amazing because of how tenuous it is. Look at the picture! The man’s body loses not one pound of weight as the skin tone fades. Right underneath is that light skin. Think about it, he has another person inside of him. He’s like a Russian doll of polar opposites. Now imagine that other man inside of him as he toils under the sun in Africa. He is a cell, ready to divide. This describes our burst out from around the equator and our cooling as we moved north. But we all returned to visit home again. China is one of the latest countries to check out their old hood. Back in the so-called beginning some who may have considered themselves more civilized headed up north (time to leave mama’s house) and guess what happens?
They lost the dark color and seemed to relax. The languorous tone of voice, classical music, tea, crackers, cucumber sandwiches, aristocracy. But it’s all just a front. They can’t stop fighting. They even define themselves by their battles and their ability to vanquish and enslave inferiors. But these inferiors are them with a protective layer. A layer so thin yet so strong that it doesn’t fade when it is moved to cooler climates. But it still can be broken down by a universal element. The inferior tag comes from the perception that the people who stayed around the ring of fire were too lazy to seek out better lives. They failed to realize that if they didn’t toil there for a moment you wouldn’t even exist to live that better life. Remember, they held you inside of them and their color vaporized as well as their features that protected them from the sun as well. One person becomes an entirely different person. Notice how those eyes stay the same. The universe tries to trick us by making them all different colors, but these marvels of engineering vary not one bit from person to person and they deliver us our reality. Look someone in the eye. See if you notice their features or skin color. If you’re doing it right you won’t. All you see is yourself inside their dark portal. Also, Mike had vitiligo and chose the white side. He dies and we’re supposed to learn a lesson. He exposed us and we didn’t get angry, we all loved him, but he was far from perfect. He was a controversial figure just like they always are.
The United States of America rose to prominence because it vanquished the perceived motherland. They enslaved their own mothers and fathers. Put them to work for them. The rest of the world stood up and took notice and began to fear them. But here’s what the slick Americans do. In relatively blazing fashion they try to heal themselves. No foreign aid. No bombs. The world is shocked. How on earth can the parents forgive the children for their heinous acts and how can the children have an about face and mix with each other to create—
Stop the melting pot, I wanna get off. This sounds like incest dude. The parents and the kids mix. See, I knew you were a sick bastard. I should’ve known that after readin’ this.
Hey, ease up. The universe is incestuous, but that is only because it knows how to make it work. There has to be an ass-load of relative diversity, it is brought together and bangs at different points, but not all points. Sorry about this guys, but it proves the point. here goes. Two family members who conceive a child are smashing so much density together that the end result is child with birth defects. The process is tantamount to splitting the atom and trying to force it back together again. If a German conceives a child with a Nigerian the child will be composed of more disparate elements. The fuse will be like sand and slat slowly spiraling down a wide shallow funnel. This is the slow fusion we did as a nation. This is why we keep on wowing them with cats like Lance Armstrong and LeBron James and Michael Phelps and our countless entertainers and thinkers and artists and authors—all infinitely different shades of gray. We’re just a big ass family and families fight, but families also don’t like it when outsiders talk about our fighting. That’s why we gloat and celebrate as a nation when we send a team of young black and white American men overseas to show the world who really loves this game. Sorry, I promised myself no chest thumping. But hey, those games were beautiful displays of American grace and power. And they did all with a smile. That’s why the rest of the world loves us. And this need be the only wars we fight. No more battlefields, only playing fields.
Race is in our face right now America and it’s kind of absurd looking. The president having beers with a black college professor and the man accused of racially profiling him. How’s that for peaceful resistance. Barack’s trying to hold both camps back. Something tells me he’s got like Nat Turner and FDR screaming in his ear. Nat saying violence telling him violence is not the answer, look what it did to us (Nat wants forgiveness) and FDR repeating his famous fear jive (probably kicking himself that he had to use it to prove it, Nat’s plight as well). Both were nationalists and both waged bloody wars on perceived enemies. Both are polarizing popular figures. Nat Turner actualized white’s worst fears. FDR actualized the world’s worst fear. However they celebrated the fight to fight their fears. It’s love fighting fear by not fighting back. Hey Israel, gotta try some new things. That Holocaust scared the hell out of us. So much so American Jews laugh at it. This is a powerful thing because it is love being used to fight fear. That’s all comedy is and that’s we love it so much. Especially when cats start talking about some of that really scary stuff.
Make a straight guy explain this to you.
Of course he used the word following this act and that’s what makes it that more beautiful. He understood the illusion but still loved it because he realized you can flip the hate.
Wow. You just keep the hits coming man. You linked Nat Turner to FDR. Had to throw Seinfeld in there too. Just amazing. I hope you have small hands because pulling this much stuff outta your ass has gotta hurt. But I did dig the videos.
No, no, it’s the universal pattern or pi, it lets you do crazy things like link Nat Turner to Franklin Delano Roosevelt. If you really want to I can link you to me and us to everyone and everything else. Oh, and thanks.
FOR THE ROAD
Gotta love how it rolls along fine while shedding just a few pieces and then all of a sudden it splits down the middle and explodes. And here’s this for those of you who don’t feel like reading.
We have to set an example here folks. The new empire is going to be global. We can either lead the charge or trail behind. This is the new patriotism. This is going to be beautiful. We’re already seeing some early signs.