Universal Mulligans

The score of this video is just perfect. Okay here we go, a massive asteroid hits us (again) and destroys everything we think we know. We end up looking like the sun on its last legs or its first. We have now been seeded and will burn and expand until we reach the size of the other guy. By doing this we open up Venus and blast her with our radiance. Now what composes our radiance, our dying planet does. Everything that burns turns into vapor that is emitted into space. Venus has a dense atmosphere that can suck this stuff up like a sponge. Hell, it has to in order for it to be burnt through. Venus is fertile so she’ll get cooking in no time. Another virgin birth.


Venus has to be next in line because she’s got that fearful covering that actually makes her hotter than Mercury who is closer to the sun. She peeks at us every morning and every night, her orbit is retrograde, her day is longer than her year, yada, yada. We call her our sister planet for a reason. She’s waiting her turn. She’s being very patient though. If we get our act together sh’e going to have to wait a little longer. For some reason I cannot explain I know that if we start to work together as a planet as all indications are showing we will not be hit by one of these things. Venus will still get her turn. But instead of a vicious smiting we’ll expand ourselves. If we come together and try to really do some amazing thing with this planets resources (we’re also a resource) then we will get a chance to grow as large as the sun. I know, I know it’s crazy, it’s not like there’s any evidence of this. Now the globe is going to warm regardless. But let’s say we continue smashing the planets elements together in crazy ways to create pollution, the same way it does to create poisons like venom, we will burn up too fast. Burning up too fast will increase our magnetism too fast and pull objects like the one in the video right into us. Here’s a way to make it happen real fast. Set off some of those suicide bombs we’ve been collecting over the years. That’ll get us nice and warm.

Here’s the getdown: love burns long, hate explodes suddenly. If we don’t get it together by coming together (no more racist, sexist, homophobic bullshit) then we will be spared the cosmic bomb. I know it sounds crazy, many of you think there is no rhyme or reason to anything, yet you possess two eyes, a nose and a mouth like many others and you are able to converse with many others utilizing a shared language. Oh, and you also love your parents and enjoy good food just like many others. Why? If there’s no rhyme or reason then what binds us. Don’t grab that biology book just yet unless you’re ready to answer why after you read each passage. Also, don’t dismiss my whys by saying that our inquisitive nature is an inferior human trait. Well, why would it be inferior if we are so superior that we know there is no reason behind anything. You first have to ask the question to get to that certainty. Right? Now explain to me why would such an inferior trait evolve. It’s actually pretty superior when you look at it because that is all evolution is. A universal inquiry. And without the why we wouldn’t have love or each other. Open the biology book and look for this Y. I know, I’m crazy and since I won’t be around to say, “I told you so” I’ll just wear that crazy tag with pride. To me there’s nothing wrong with being a little crazy. If it wasn’t for crazy we wouldn’t have the very machine you’re staring at right now.

Before the internet, people who had stories to tell would roam the land stopping wherever anyone would listen. Now if it wasn’t for that we wouldn’t have religious texts or philosophy or history for that matter, so to dismiss the 2012 crowd outright is a little cold. We first have to understand why the Mayans picked that date and do a little research before we just outright dismiss it. What if 2012 is the year when one of these big guys hits us? What if we can stop it by getting our act together? Would we? Probably not, because we would need some cosmic force to tell us to straighten up. But what language would this cosmic being speak in? French? Spanish? Esperanto? Actually, it wouldn’t really matter, because whatever language it did speak in, it’s message would have to be translated and then that translation would be disputed and the disputed translation would be disputed. Even if it spoke to us in every language we know we would still bicker, it’s just our fearful nature. How do I know this? Because it already speaks to us. It doesn’t use any of our tenuous languages, it uses more direct communications like those trees outside, the sun, a snail, rocks, stars, planets, cells and all of that wonderful relative diversity. Our intelligence is evolving to acknowledge this truth, not fully understand it, because we can’t since it expands away from us. Yes, we expand with it, but it’s like a a bird chasing another and both are flying at the same speed. The bird giving chase will never catch the other bird. And since they are flying around a sphere the chase will theoretically never end.

With this blog I’m trying to show that we always receive hints to the truth of our existence, but we keep on responding in fear. What if we mess up big time between now and then? Might be time to start over. Let’s look at what happens on that year. The doomsday is slated for the same days as the start of the southern hemisphere’s summer solstice and the north’s winter solstices (12/21/12). The date is even triangular. A funny yin/yang palindrome, 12/21/12 can also be 21/12/21. Okay, let’s dig a little deeper into this interesting year:

JANUARY 31, 2012: The asteroid Eros (named after the Greek god of love no less) will pass by us. I see this as a hint. The universe’s way of saying, “Get your shit together.” If we are working at getting our stuff together then we may just take a day off to marvel at its passing. Maybe throw a couple parties and then get back to business. Things are happening in the world right now that can either tip in the direction of peace or violence. Isn’t it fun that we get to steer the ship?
MARCH 22, 2012: The European Council will vote to extend copyright laws. If they do not the Beatles’ Please Please Me will fall out of copyright. Here’s hoping it doesn’t get passed. That way we can have a little fun sampling and covering the hell out of that album’s songs.
JUNE 6, 2012: The second and last solar transit of Venus of the century. The next pair is predicted to occur in 2117 and 2125.
July 27, 2012: 2012 Summer Olympics begin in London.
NOVEMBER 6, 2012: The United States presidential, Senate, and House of Representatives elections.
NOVEMBER 13, 2012: Total solar eclipse (visible in northern Australia and the South Pacific).
NOVEMBER 28, 2012: Penumbral lunar eclipse.

Those are just a few. Even without the doomsday stuff it should be a fun year. I’ll leave you with this: the Mayans never said anything about 12/21/12 being the end of everything. It actually may just mean the start of everything. If you want to fig deeper please do yourself a favor and rent The Fountain. I know I’m always going on about that flick, but it’s really a postmodern yet classic film.


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