the SPOT light

We all have our secret places. Those mental caverns where light is not allowed to travel…the places we visit when we wanna really dance…unabashedly. They are the untidy rooms we are too embarrassed to show to company. But we are not content with leaving the secrets in the dark. Our drive to actualize our deepest darkest fantasies is too strong. Perhaps that is why we turn on The Light…a light that allows us to peek at the things that pique our secret curiosities. A light that illuminates a dream-like world of virtual realities…a space that exists someplace else.

We peer into the portal, play around for a spell, pop our heads out—back to life, back to reality…no worries…because what we experience through the looking glass isn’t real…it is like a dream—effortless flights of fancy presented in a visually arresting fashion—it doesn’t seem that dirty…like outside, in the dark dirty…with those who manipulate actual grime with their actual hands. We avoid a tactile relationship with the real dirt—we’re dancing with the digital bits…our dirt is virtual…it’s clean, sterile, robotic. It’s all buttons, touchscreens and high definition displays. But there’s a catch—the digital bits are watching us…storing information…keeping records. We know this…we know this quite well…we know that what we put out there has to exist somewhere in order to exist OUT THERE


The internet is a manifestation of our mental meanderings. Maybe that is why we willingly put so much personal information out there. We readily surrender personal security in order to experience its new states of being personal…all sorts of diverse elements existing in the same space…sans judgment…a neutral place…no need to worry about security. This is a safe place. It offers a space for everything. But there’s a twist, there’s always a twist…the people who use the space have differing opinions about how the space should be used…what is appropriate and what is inappropriate…what is right and what is wrong. Debates rage…both sides work hard to cultivate a consensus. Tension mounts. Tension that releases itself in the commentary sections that permeate the net. Tension that releases itself through watching compact videos of people having sex. Tension that tweets itself. Tension that sexts itself. Tension that creates itself.


(click for larger image)

There’s a big fight going on in there, on there and out there. A wrestling match over who should and who should not have a space. Of course we ALL think we deserve a space..our own space…all to ourselves. We want room to roam…to stretch our legs…to be…and we want to be with those who look like us. That superficial common bond. You look like me, I look like you, that gives me at least one reason to trust you. But beyond a similar visage what else do we share? Well, because we look the same we share a culture. A culture born out of what we share…our immediate identification. An immediate identification that is shaped by the local climate. Varying shades of light created our look. The sun…the big SPOT light that we see in the sky but actually resides in space. It is nothing but a bit of the cosmic ether flitting about an endless 360 degree void in which matter never truly descends or ascends or moves right or left…it’s all going somewhere while going nowhere…it’s all relative…the direction a ball falls in America is the same direction it rises in China. Speaking of rising…

We perceive the sun as rising and arcing over our heads in various positions in the sky. But no matter its position up there it seems to be coming from someplace and going to someplace. But where is it coming from? Where is it going to? We want to know…and to find out we have to go after it, but in which direction do we go? Do we go to where it’s coming or to where it’s going…or do we go away from it? Escape its wrath. Do you know which way we should go? Yes, YOU…do you know? We want to leave. We want to go somewhere else. Which way do we go? We’re ready to move. We’re ready to follow you. We trust you. We have confided in you. Told you everything we desire and need. Told you what we fear and why we fear it. We drape our burdens on your shoulders. Now please…lead us.

Damn it.

Here they come. They want to know what you’re hiding.

Maybe you should tell them…voluntarily reveal your secrets. No. Can’t do that. Your secrets will remind them of their own. How could they follow someone who dances in the darkness just like them? They’ll call you a charlatan. A false prophet. You are not virtuous. Only the virtuous can lead. You cannot be trusted. You are hiding things…you are deceiving them…but wait…if they feel this way about you then how do they feel about themselves? They must not trust themselves! That’s why they are so desperate to place their burdens on you, but how can you maintain theirs and yours? Do you have the space? How are you going to deal with your unmentionables?

You say you have forgiven yourself. You say you have made peace with your demons. But how can you make peace with demons? That’s what they’ll want to know. Are you ready to tell them how you did that? Do you think they will understand? What are you going to do!? They’re going to find out eventually. But when? When will they find out? What if they’re the type who fear the dirt? The ones whose secret curiosities are rarely allowed to peek above the darkness. The ones who gave demons their name. The ones who think we’re doing something bad because they don’t like it. The ones who feel it is their duty to tell everyone else how wrong we are. The ones who believe that we are dirt and that we’re making the world dirty.

So far you’ve maintained a working relationship with them. You’ve figured out how to present yourself in a way they can deal with…and hopefully live with…but you’ve had a helluva a time managing it, and you’re finding it harder and harder to live with. Why are you pandering to their hatred? What if you stopped pandering? What if you dressed up like them? Played a role. Sure, they may find it disingenuous, but so what, they’re playing roles too. Join in the bullshit party. Have a few laughs. But whatever you do, keep your head above the water. Stay up there on the surface. If you slip up they’re gonna get you. One wrong move and—

The light shines on your SPOT. Right here. Right now.

There it all is. Right out there in the open. Right out there for everyone to see. You weren’t ready for this. You react accordingly…


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