- “…let’s say I have a small garden where I grow carrots and tomatoes and let’s say every year my yield is 12:4, 12 carrots to 4 tomatoes. Let’s say this happens every year for infinity. Although the ratio favors the carrots the tomatoes will still exist infinitely. For the sake of simplicity I kept the ratio rigid. Of course there is fluctuation in the universe.”
In the post where this bit originated I was talking about the relationship between space and matter. For the sake of this post imagine the carrots representing ‘good’ and the tomatoes representing ‘evil.’ The ratio is arbitrary. Now I do not know what the ratio between good and evil is. I would like to say that it tilts in favor of good, but then what is good and what is evil? Are these hardline absolutes? Or is there some gray mixed up in there? Well, before we go any further consider this from that other post you’re not gonna read…
- “…black is black because white is white, dark is dark because light is light; it is the contrast that defines the two, the contrast exposes the lie that is duality.”
Let’s say we all possess an internal ratio (good:bad). Question is: how much of us is good and how much of us is bad? Say you’re living a good life, you donate three-quarters of your money to charity and you volunteer a majority of your time helping people in need, but one day you go on a killing spree. How would that affect the nature of your ratio? Is the killing spree more bad than your generosity was good? What if you helped way more people than you killed? Does that change anything? What are you inherently? Perhaps you are inherently nothing. Perhaps you are merely the contrast or point where the so-called duality good and evil relate to one another. In other words, you are the relationship between good and evil. Think of the two as opposing football teams and us as neutral playing fields. The playing field does not root for either team, it merely provides a space for them to play.
So…if we are nothing but indifferent hinges, what force dictates the direction our door swings?
Many different desires dance within us, which we can choose to actualize or not. That is it. That is the height of our power—regulating what desires manifest themselves as action. We don’t have any control over the nature of our desires though. Oxymoronically, they are ours and not ours at the same time. Certainly, things like our environment, experiences and genetics have something to do with their nature, but what do WE have to do with them? When we talk about the things we like and do not like we think we are sharing the details of our unique identities, but do we really know why we like or dislike anything? And if we doubt our reasons how can we be certain that our emotions truly belong to us?
You may dislike a movie because you thought the ending was disappointing. But why was it disappointing? Oh, because they didn’t let you know what happened to that one guy. Well, why did you want to know what happened to that one guy? Oh, you liked him. Why did you like him? Oh, because he had dark hair and was funny. Well, what about dark-haired funny guys do you like? Oh, your favorite uncle had dark hair and was funny. What about him was funny?
Okay, I think it’s safe to assume that you know where I’m going with this. I call it the Why Expansion. With my questioning I’m trying to find the ‘core’ reason why you disliked the ending. All the reasons mentioned are superficial, they are simply layers obscuring the core reason. Now get this…it is impossible to determine what lies at the core of our feelings about anything. The more superficial layers we peel away the closer we may ‘feel’ we are getting to the core, but this is merely a relative closeness based on how far we get away from the initial reason, but since there is no absolute core we will always be infinitely far away. This applies to everything. From cells to stars to rocks to the impetus behind the creation of the hated movie. Seems we will never know the ultimate why. But it’s kinda fun chasing it. Maybe the chase is the ultimate why. But why do we have to chase? Why can’t The Absolute Truth just present itself to us? Are we born with it? Maybe the chase is what creates friction (the energy that powers existence). Constant movement creates constant existence. Or maybe—damn, here we go again. Just an expanding, branching mess. We think we’re moving, making progress, but we always end up back here.
Before I get a headache, let’s move on…
When making decisions how do we know which choice is the ‘right’ one? Easy, we resort to consensus opinion (religion anyone?). It seems consensus equates to absolute judgment in our society. For example, if a movie on the review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes receives a 23% rotten rating then that movie is deemed bad. That is the consensus opinion of movie reviewers (well, the consensus of the reviewers who are featured on the site). But why do we diminish the value of the 23%? To 23% of the reviewers the movie is good and if it is considered good by at least one reviewer then it could potentially be considered good by other reviewers whose reviews were not aggregated. We can apply the same logic to Nielson ratings or polls which assume consensus based on information gathered from a fraction of the population. But why are we so hard-pressed to quantify and define such malleable, nebulous and fickle things like our emotions? Is it to influence the choices of others? If that’s the case then it’s futile because…
Free will is an illusion.
Yes, I know, above I kinda said we had control over our decisions. I thought so too, but as I moved along I realized our choices, much like our desires, are also driven by something we cannot pin down. Yes, environment, experiences and genetics have something to do with them, but once we apply the Why Expansion things get messy because…
What shapes our environments? Well one factor is other people. Okay, well, what influenced them? Oh yeah, their environments, their experiences, their genetics. You get it, it’s all just a clusterfuck of mutual influence. No matter how deep we dig there will always be more dirt—an infinity of dirt. But damn it, there’s gotta be something steering us, some sort of supreme puppeteer. An overse—
No, good one though, but the sun’s just more dirt. Yes, it’s responsible for our existence, religious practices, migratory patterns, et cetera, but what operates it? There’s gotta be something. I feel like I’m something. I feel real. I feel in control. I feel special. Damn it, I simply FEEL!!! There’s weight in that. Gravity. Foundation. I am here! Right here! I can’t just be a pinball amongst an infinity of other pinballs incessantly bouncing around with no ‘true’ choice in the direction I travel. There’s gotta be—
Wait a minute. Wait one damn minute.
Okay, so I have no control over anything—everything I think, everything I feel, everything I do is predicated on an infinity of something elses; but the nature of the infinite something elses that ‘make’ me is unique. The infinite answers to my infinite whys are different than the infinite answers to your infinite whys! We’re all just unique clusterfucks of colliding information. This applies to all matter—from you, me, TVs, oceans and trees. But yet there is one consistent strain, and that is nothing. We are simply a : that facilitates a diverse range of constantly fluctuating ratios. There may be an infinity of ‘thises’ and ‘thats,’ but the : remains constant. If you’re lost just go and read that other post you’re not gonna read. Get to know a little more about the great nothing that binds us, and all things, forever.
Well, I think I’m done here. But before I go, check out this beautiful collision…