I find it odd how we vilify our past enablers as if they are the ones RESPONSIBLE for the actions they allowed and/or facilitated. We tend to ignore the fact that WE were the ones who very much WANTED to commit the acts. Hell, we’re usually the ones who SEEK OUT the enabler!

Why do we require enablers though? Why can’t we just do what we want to do without them? Maybe it has something to do with fear/guilt. Typically the enabler is well-versed in the thing we’re curious about and as a result will not JUDGE us like others (read: friends/family) might. Our major faux pas here: Thinking that the enabler will PERMANENTLY quiet our SELF-judgment. For a spell they may be able to help DIVERT our attention away from it, but eventually we’re gonna have to face OUR relationship with the act. And when we do we’re either going to reconcile with our drive to commit the act or completely turn on our enabler and try to create as much (literal and/or figurative) distance from them as possible. But here’s the catch: We can’t run from ourselves1.

Full disclosure: I have enabled and have been enabled and have been demonized and have demonized. Am I over this? Not at all. And honestly, understanding this dynamic on two levels has made the process of reconciliation both difficult AND easy. Please don’t ask me to explain that last sentence. I’m sure there are some of you out there who get every word of it though.

1. This doesn’t ONLY pertain to a person or even a couple of people; as evidenced by the herd-mentality you see on social media—our PERCEPTIONS of whatever ‘group’ (read: race, gender, nationality, religion, political affiliation, etc.) we ‘identify’ with enable our actions (this includes thoughts, worldviews) as well. Just peep how folks carry on when they are in the company of their ‘own’ versus ‘others.’ Also, peep the near-equal levels of bullshit present in both dynamics. We may THINK we’re being more REAL with our own, but truth is we just feel more comfortable bullshitting ourselves around them. There is one difference though, and that is the nature of the transaction. With our own we ‘trade’ bullshit, with others we ‘sell’ it.


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