look @ me

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It kinda sucks that government agencies are warehousing and categorizing our dick, tit an’ clit pics, but at the same it’s also kinda cool because this repository of audio/visual/literary data will become the ‘mine’ that our future descendants will excavate to learn more about us. With that said, I think we should take some moments out of our social media days to say hello to them. So descendants, this is for you…

    I try to be as candid and transparent as possible with you guys. I want you to know what I’m about, warts and all. Oh, and I’m not stupid, I know you’re looking in my various inboxes and checking all of my ‘private’ and ‘incognito’ window histories, hacking my passwords. I’m not mad. How can I be? I come from a long line of tomb-excavators and private letter and diary readers. I have nothing to hide from you, I’m puttin’ it all out there which actually kinda worries me. I’m sure you’ve gleaned from all of my bullshit that I’m a bit of an attention whore. I know our species digs mystery and with all my blathering I’m probably about as mysterious as yesterday’s newspaper. You guys are probably more interested in the ones who shared very little. Probably using spill-guts like me to cross-reference info about the ‘mysterious’ spartan-sharers and off-grids. I get it. I understand. But let me hip you to something right quick…

    Their lives weren’t as ‘sexy’ as you think. They were doing all the same shit us TMIers were doing. Don’t fall for the hype. And no, I’m not just saying that because I’m jealous that you’re jocking them. I’m just trying to help you out. Don’t want you wasting your time. No seriously, not jealous in the slightest. Like I said, I’m just trying to help. I’m here for YOU! Don’t waste your time. Trust me. They weren’t about shit. They were boring. Tried way too hard to be accepted. No, for real, no jealousy, no bitterness. I know how resources for historians can be hard to come by. I’m just trying to save you some time AND money…

    Hey, have you checked out my book naked black girls? Nobody read it in my time. It’s an incredibly (almost too) breezy read and it should tell you a lot about our age. No, I’m not desperate. Y’all are just supposed to ‘get’ me, unlike the people of my age. But no, you’re interested in some boring fuck who only posted about all the ‘good’ shit they did. Come on guys, I knew them. They weren’t as ‘good’ as y’all think. I got stories that would blow your mind, but I’m no hater so I’m not gonna spill their beans like that. But, I mean come o— What about INT./EXT., a retrofuture story about the brave new world of filmmaking told in a golden-age-of-Hollywood style. No? What about THE FREE 1? That’s got sports, racial politics, artificial intelligence stuff (I kinda obsess over that). I think it was avoided in my time because folks didn’t know how to read it. I mean that’s partially my fault. I didn’t tell them that all they had to do was keep clicking ‘Next Post,’ but that’s beside the point. I just wanna know if it— NO???!! What about my young adult novel THE GOOD AND HAPPY AND SOMETIMES LONELY. It’s an introspective book that tackles a wide range of ‘heavy’ existential issues, but it does so in a hopeful wa— Say what? You still interested in that muthaf— I mean ‘them.’ Okay, whatever, I give up. Chase after their boring ass if you want. I guess I just gotta wait another five-thousand years until anybody gives a’fuck.

    Sincerely,
    A Muthafucka Who’s Gettin’ Kinda Tired Of Having To Wait So Damn Long To Be Resurrected

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