Archive for the 'Sports' Category

Enhanced Performance

In my late-20s, for a little less than a year, I flirted with performance enhancing drugs; not HGH, steroids or anything like that, but the stuff you could get from those shops that are always right outside of chain gyms (the ones usually with ‘muscle’ and/or ‘nutrition’ in their titles). Even though what I was taking were like Skittles compared to what the big boys were droppin’ an’ shootin’ I did notice an ‘enhancement’ to my workout routines and subsequent play on the court. In the gym I could heavy-rep heavy weight and on the basketball court I was able to just ‘do shit,’ like go from thinking ‘I’m gonna tomahawk dunk over that guy’ to tomahawk dunking over that guy. This was stuff I could do before, but not this ‘professionally.’ Everything felt ‘relatively easier’ than it did before, which was sexy as hell. It felt beyond-good to be warming up before a game knowing I was about to do some ridiculous shit once the ball was tipped, and that the people in the stands were gonna freak the fuck out when I did it. And this was just RECREATIONAL ball (highly competitive, but still just weekend warrior shit). I could ONLY IMAGINE how dick-hardening it would be to pull off that kinda shit on the professional stage. Speaking of which…

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“I don’t hate you as much as I hate myself.”


“Please don’t illuminate my wackness by celebrating a lifestyle I desperately wish I could lead. I’m not asking you to be ‘really’ humble, I just need you to fake it in the media. You know, deadpan some bullshit sports platitudes. The pundits will call you a Class Act™ and I can invoke your name when I’m trying not to come off as a bitter my-life-is-a-failure-my-kids-don’t-respect-me-and-my-wife-is-fucking-her-25-year-old-personal-trainer jackass. I’ll say shit like, ‘Why can’t the rest of ’em be more like so-and-so?’ Can you please do that for me? I mean just look at me, I’m part of a contingent of straight middle-aged men who wear the family names of much younger men on our backs. If you don’t allow me to assert ‘at least’ a modicum of superiority over you shit could get kinda weird.”

The following poured out of me while listening to NBATV chatter about a game between LA and Boston. It’s probably woefully inaccurate, but whatever…

“You know, we really came together during Kobe’s Farewell. I think it was that season where we—for the first time—understood each other…as men. We learned what each guy brought to the table; both on and off the court. Everybody’s unique little shit.” -D’Angelo Russell (2027)
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The Death of Football


Given the fact that the technology responsible for keeping players safe cannot keep up with the (sports medicine/cutting-edge training enhanced) genetic engineering that’s turning the players into increasingly deadlier vehicles of mass destruction, it may go the way of one of its (pictured) ancestors.

Not talking any time soon though. Maybe within the next one-hundred years or so……or maybe the hyper physicality of the game will be toned down a bit (or maybe this will become de rigueur). Like tackles would be anticipated by the refs resulting in ridiculously early whistles. Speaking of whistles
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    The conversation they have while they’re on their way to Sac is classic. I remember having the same heated discussions after games. Good-ass times.

Sometimes the skill-sets of ridiculously talented players do not align with the sensibilities of the professional leagues in which they aspire to play. The leagues just don’t ‘get’ these postmodern players. They don’t know how to fit them into the (imposed and enforced) rigid structures of their leagues. And because of this they miss opportunities to be ahead of the curve. Speaking of which, just peep how the ‘new-style‘ play of today’s created player-esque NBA guards and forwards line up with the stuff the And1 cats were doing. Really dig Alimoe‘s perspective here. Just found out he passed, crazy, dude was ‘nice’ and seemed like a nice dude.
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The Art of Or

    DISCLAIMER: I have received some flack for this article…all over the place, meandering, stupid…apparently they don’t know my MO, if I don’t hit those three hallmarks then I’ve failed as a blogger…just so you know most of these articles are written in a naive colloquial style, but when you click the hyperlinks something happens…just click ’em, you’ll see.

Dear People of the United States of America, the whole multi-culti lot of ya,

For whatever deep-seated, we gotta-get-over-it reason we (USA) are nipping at each other. All these rigidly defined eithers and ors rigidly defined by how much either and or they are. So since it seems we want to dice up our amorphously bordered and more than less amorphously divided country into a rigid box then how about we exhaust our little family quarrel within the confines of a rigidly defined box.
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Sick Surfing Trick!

I won’t bore you with any of my relativity nonsense, I’ll just sit back and let the universe do the talking for me.