Archive Page 2

Post Sexual

man-woman

The other night I was watching a movie and there was a scene where a girl had her tits out and they were BEAUTIFUL. I tried my DAMNDEST not to sexualize them, to see them as ‘just breasts,’ but they kept presenting themselves as ‘tits.’ As I stared I started to meditate on a time when her and I both looked like the ‘couple’ in the picture above; when ‘tits’ were merely provisionary…

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Enhanced Performance

In my late-20s, for a little less than a year, I flirted with performance enhancing drugs; not HGH, steroids or anything like that, but the stuff you could get from those shops that are always right outside of chain gyms (the ones usually with ‘muscle’ and/or ‘nutrition’ in their titles). Even though what I was taking were like Skittles compared to what the big boys were droppin’ an’ shootin’ I did notice an ‘enhancement’ to my workout routines and subsequent play on the court. In the gym I could heavy-rep heavy weight and on the basketball court I was able to just ‘do shit,’ like go from thinking ‘I’m gonna tomahawk dunk over that guy’ to tomahawk dunking over that guy. This was stuff I could do before, but not this ‘professionally.’ Everything felt ‘relatively easier’ than it did before, which was sexy as hell. It felt beyond-good to be warming up before a game knowing I was about to do some ridiculous shit once the ball was tipped, and that the people in the stands were gonna freak the fuck out when I did it. And this was just RECREATIONAL ball (highly competitive, but still just weekend warrior shit). I could ONLY IMAGINE how dick-hardening it would be to pull off that kinda shit on the professional stage. Speaking of which…

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Faux Shame

dwayne-the-rock-johnson-is-almost-unrecognisable-in-a-fat-suit-in-trailer-for-new-movie-central-intelligence

If I post a pic of my not-in-the-greatest-shape self talking about how I am ‘just’ as sexy as The Rock, while knowing damn well that I WISH I had the determination and drive to put the work into my body that he does, and then cry that I am being ‘body shamed’ the second someone calls attention to my love handles I am full of fucking shit!1 And ironically, my NEED to ‘flaunt’ would expose just how much I LACKED confidence. If I ACTUALLY felt like I was The Shit™ I wouldn’t need to seek corroboration or shout down critics with platitudinous bullshit.

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Turf Wars: Black Feminists v. Black Masculists

black-man-frustrated

Welcome to the first installment of what I hope will be a regular series where I dissect the various ‘battles’ I see being waged between two (ironically) intrinsically linked factions, as in: Their constant fight is what defines their respective identities.

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 tha love of country

jay-zkayne

For as long as I can remember it has never been ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ to be patriotic. Such a thing is typically associated with Second Amendment dick-riding, Fox News-watching, pickup truck driving, big-ass flag waving middle-aged white men, aka the DEFINITION of uncool. But here’s the thing: Hip hop (the current EPITOME of cool) is incredibly patriotic…in-its-own-unique-way. On damn near every hip hop album you’ll find lyrics gushing about the American cities from which the artists hail. They’ll even have endearing nicknames for ’em: The Boogie Down, The Chi, The ATL, The Town, The Sucka Free, the list goes on an’ on; and these towns don’t exist anywhere else in the world, but thanks to hip hop, the neighborhoods—and sometimes single streets or intersections—within these quintessentially American cities are now internationally known. Tell me that shit ain’t patriotic as fuck.

Blacker Face

blackface

Confession: During junior high (some of you call it ‘middle school’) and my first couple years of high school I pretended to be Black™. It reached its zenith during 8th grade when a fellow suburban race perpetrator and I shoplifted red bandannas from a local K-Mart so we could more effectively ‘claim a set.’ I wasn’t too good at the faux-Black™ thing though. I could never quite master the noun/verb disagreement, disregard for the possessive and superfluous pluralization (example: “We goin’ over Tim mama house to play some Maddens.”) or that damn Swag™. I had my moments though, but I was far too inconsistent. Oddly enough, there were a few white dudes I knew who were WAY BETTER at this than I. I was in awe of them actually. Took notes an’ everything.

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DP-USA-f-space

The United States of America™ is the most recent (and most ‘popular’) brand of Diverse Peoples Whose Ancestors Evolved In Different Places, Under Different Climates Living ‘Relatively’ Peacefully In ONE Place. Such places are beacons for criticism because they don’t make ‘sense.’ How can such a diverse collection of human particles come together without ‘banging’ into oblivion (read: descend into an orgy of xenophobia-driven death an’ destruction)?! Perhaps the incredulity is due to the fact that we don’t believe we can unite our-goddamn-selves! If we’re such individual messes, how can we live in peace with others who are either equally or more messy than we are? But here’s the rub: We desperately WANT to believe this, hence our boiling over frustration (all that “I have rights!” stuff) whenever ANYTHING happens that contradicts this notion. Shit’s kinda beautiful. In a fucked up sorta way.