Archive Page 2

The Anti Thesis

If it seems that it is YOUR LIFE’S WORK to deconstruct the teachings that corroborate a person’s faith OF COURSE they are going to perceive you as an enemy. Maintaining faith is hard-as-hell…so why would anyone WANT to make it harder? And what does the serial deconstructionist even get out of it? Don’t they see that the person-of-faith WANTS (by any means necessary) to maintain their faith? Don’t they realize that it is the only thing keeping them sane?! What KIND of person would want to take that away from them? And it doesn’t matter if what they believe sounds like the most hogwashiest of hogwash, the question remains: ‘Why?’—Why would someone work so damn hard to destroy SOMEONE ELSE’S ‘only thing that works?’ Perhaps deconstruction is the ‘only thing that works’ for the deconstructionist; which is sublimely ironic because: although the deconstructionist may claim to want to do away with religion, a huge part of who they are is reliant on its existence (i.e. They can’t shut the hell up about it). Maybe they feel their ‘thing’ is threatened by the person-of-faith’s ‘thing’ (just like the person-of-faith may feel their ‘thing’ is threatened by the deconstructionist’s ‘thing’) and they gotta go all Highlander there-can-be-only-one on that ass.

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Post Sexual

man-woman

The other night I was watching a movie and there was a scene where a girl had her tits out and they were BEAUTIFUL. I tried my DAMNDEST not to sexualize them, to see them as ‘just breasts,’ but they kept presenting themselves as ‘tits.’ As I stared I started to meditate on a time when her and I both looked like the ‘couple’ in the picture above; when ‘tits’ were merely provisionary…

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Enhanced Performance

In my late-20s, for a little less than a year, I flirted with performance enhancing drugs; not HGH, steroids or anything like that, but the stuff you could get from those shops that are always right outside of chain gyms (the ones usually with ‘muscle’ and/or ‘nutrition’ in their titles). Even though what I was taking were like Skittles compared to what the big boys were droppin’ an’ shootin’ I did notice an ‘enhancement’ to my workout routines and subsequent play on the court. In the gym I could heavy-rep heavy weight and on the basketball court I was able to just ‘do shit,’ like go from thinking ‘I’m gonna tomahawk dunk over that guy’ to tomahawk dunking over that guy. This was stuff I could do before, but not this ‘professionally.’ Everything felt ‘relatively easier’ than it did before, which was sexy as hell. It felt beyond-good to be warming up before a game knowing I was about to do some ridiculous shit once the ball was tipped, and that the people in the stands were gonna freak the fuck out when I did it. And this was just RECREATIONAL ball (highly competitive, but still just weekend warrior shit). I could ONLY IMAGINE how dick-hardening it would be to pull off that kinda shit on the professional stage. Speaking of which…

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Faux Shame

dwayne-the-rock-johnson-is-almost-unrecognisable-in-a-fat-suit-in-trailer-for-new-movie-central-intelligence

If I post a pic of my not-in-the-greatest-shape self talking about how I am ‘just’ as sexy as The Rock, while knowing damn well that I WISH I had the determination and drive to put the work into my body that he does, and then cry that I am being ‘body shamed’ the second someone calls attention to my love handles I am full of fucking shit!1 And ironically, my NEED to ‘flaunt’ would expose just how much I LACKED confidence. If I ACTUALLY felt like I was The Shit™ I wouldn’t need to seek corroboration or shout down critics with platitudinous bullshit.

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Turf Wars: Black Feminists v. Black Masculists

black-man-frustrated

Welcome to the first installment of what I hope will be a regular series where I dissect the various ‘battles’ I see being waged between two (ironically) intrinsically linked factions, as in: Their constant fight is what defines their respective identities.

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For tha love of country

jay-zkayne

For as long as I can remember it has never been ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ to be patriotic. Such a thing is typically associated with Second Amendment dick-riding, Fox News-watching, pickup truck driving, big-ass flag waving middle-aged white men, aka the DEFINITION of uncool. But here’s the thing: Hip hop (the current EPITOME of cool) is incredibly patriotic…in-its-own-unique-way. On damn near every hip hop album you’ll find lyrics gushing about the American cities from which the artists hail. They’ll even have endearing nicknames for ’em: The Boogie Down, The Chi, The ATL, The Town, The Sucka Free—the list goes on an’ on; and these towns don’t exist anywhere else in the world, but thanks to hip hop, the neighborhoods—and sometimes single streets or intersections—within these quintessentially American cities are now internationally known. Tell me that shit ain’t patriotic as fuck.

Blacker Face

blackface

Confession: During junior high (some of you call it ‘middle school’) and my first couple years of high school I pretended to be Black™. It reached its zenith during 8th grade when a fellow suburban race perpetrator and I shoplifted red bandannas from a local K-Mart so we could more effectively ‘claim a set.’ I wasn’t too good at the faux-Black™ thing though. I could never quite master the noun/verb disagreement, disregard for the possessive and superfluous pluralization (example: “We goin’ over Tim mama house to play some Maddens.”) or that damn Swag™. I had my moments though, but I was far too inconsistent. Oddly enough, there were a few white dudes I knew who were WAY BETTER at this than I. I was in awe of them actually. Took notes an’ everything.

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