Posts Tagged 'About Me'

True Confidence

For years I felt I couldn’t ‘compete’ with other men for the affections of women. I didn’t feel I had ‘enough’ of what it took to ‘win’ them; I wasn’t that dominant alpha muthafucka that I thought they desired. What I’m starting to realize NOW (work-in-progress) is that being an ‘alpha’ male has nothing to do with beating someone at THEIR game, but being at the top of YOUR game. In the past I thought I had to find some ‘edge’ that I had over other dudes. I was constantly sizing them up; trying to see where we lined up and where I was ‘better’/’worse.’ This is that…

“He may be attractive an’ fit an’ have a job an’ alla that, but I bet he hasn’t read any Kafka.”

…shit. And at the time I was doing this shit I was also claiming to be so confidently ‘above it all,’ but how could I have been above anything if I was I so focused on what other dudes were doing? Why was I always firing ‘Sorry I’m not like the dumb thugs you’re used to’ bullshit at the women I was with when I felt they were moving away from me to guys that—to keep it real—I felt ‘threatened’ by? I was seeking VALIDATION from women for traits I felt I lacked (but desperately wanted). If they could boost my ego then maybe I wasn’t as ‘inferior’ as I thought. When they denied me this ‘boost’ I would overcompensate (in cringe-inducingly cumbersome ways) when I should’ve just put in the self-work to self-validate like an ACTUAL confident muthafucka would. That’s the kinda cat who is drawn to so-called ‘threats’ because seeing other people doing dope shit inspires him to step HIS game up; he competes with himself, not other dudes. This is that…

“Damn, Steph’s jumper is nice. I wonder how I can change my shot to hit threes like him. I’m not gonna copy his stroke, I’m not the same kinda player as him, but I’m gonna find my ‘own’ way to get better.”

…shit. And thing is: Dude may never develop a perimeter stroke, but the work he puts in will NO FUCKING DOUBT make him a better him.