Posts Tagged 'nfl'

“I don’t hate you as much as I hate myself.”

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“Please don’t illuminate my wackness by celebrating a lifestyle I desperately wish I could lead. I’m not asking you to be ‘really’ humble, I just need you to fake it in the media. You know, deadpan some bullshit sports platitudes. The pundits will call you a Class Actâ„¢ and I can invoke your name when I’m trying not to come off as a bitter my-life-is-a-failure-my-kids-don’t-respect-me-and-my-wife-is-fucking-her-25-year-old-personal-trainer jackass. I’ll say shit like, ‘Why can’t the rest of ’em be more like so-and-so?’ Can you please do that for me? I mean just look at me, I’m part of a contingent of straight middle-aged men who wear the family names of much younger men on our backs. If you don’t allow me to assert ‘at least’ a modicum of superiority over you shit could get kinda weird.”

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The Death of Football

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Given the fact that the technology responsible for keeping players safe cannot keep up with the (sports medicine/cutting-edge training enhanced) genetic engineering that’s turning the players into increasingly deadlier vehicles of mass destruction, it may go the way of one of its (pictured) ancestors.

Not talking any time soon though. Maybe within the next one-hundred years or so……or maybe the hyper physicality of the game will be toned down a bit (or maybe this will become de rigueur). Like tackles would be anticipated by the refs resulting in ridiculously early whistles. Speaking of whistles
Continue reading ‘The Death of Football’

The Art of Or

    DISCLAIMER: I have received some flack for this article…all over the place, meandering, stupid…apparently they don’t know my MO, if I don’t hit those three hallmarks then I’ve failed as a blogger…just so you know most of these articles are written in a naive colloquial style, but when you click the hyperlinks something happens…just click ’em, you’ll see.

Dear People of the United States of America, the whole multi-culti lot of ya,

For whatever deep-seated, we gotta-get-over-it reason we (USA) are nipping at each other. All these rigidly defined eithers and ors rigidly defined by how much either and or they are. So since it seems we want to dice up our amorphously bordered and more than less amorphously divided country into a rigid box then how about we exhaust our little family quarrel within the confines of a rigidly defined box.
Continue reading ‘The Art of Or’


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